


The Last Year

by RecoveringNavigator



Series: Attack On Life [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Awkward Romance, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Cheating, Confusion, Dark Humor, Depression, Drinking, Drugs, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Past Relationships, Sex, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Humor, Smoking, Swearing, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Verbal Abuse, asocial tendencies, college choices, highschool crushes, life conflicts, might be later explicit, mildly cutting, most likely in april or sooner, offensive slurs, past underage situations, public affection, rocky friendships, rudeness, self doubt, so I'm most likely going to rewrite this, suicidal tendencies/ thoughts, underage situations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 13:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2230068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecoveringNavigator/pseuds/RecoveringNavigator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This a high school au based on my real life situations.</p><p>Jean Kirstein is an art major in high school struggling to figure out his life goals; while balancing his will to live. He's not sure what exactly he wants to do with his life or if he's even meant for one. He's just following what his family says and regretting every step of the way.<br/>As Jean struggles to live his "life" freely, he somehow stumbles upon love. At least that's what he thinks it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Final Year

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [My Beating Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/991568) by [Lownly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lownly/pseuds/Lownly). 



> So I got the idea to write a high school au ,for Attack On Titans, based on my life.
> 
> Through out this story, you'll be reading a mixture of my life and the life of Jean. Some moments you'll cry and others you'll ponder. Others you might question; for you will be unsure which is fiction and which is real.
> 
> I wish you the best of luck and please make sure ,that if you are easily offended, to not READ THIS STORY.
> 
> Thank you and have a pleasant day.
> 
> Inspired by Lownly's story :Like A Drum series
> 
> **You should check it out**
> 
> Not based or a copy of Lownly's work.
> 
> ______________________________________________
> 
> I plan to rewrite this whenever I have time **

School.

Just another reason why I hated being a "teenager".

It was just another thing society created to piss me off.

The car ride some how managed to infuriate me more.

Maybe because, honestly, it was too early for this educational bullshit today; well, at least for me it was.

I looked as if I was ready to kill an army of children; and in all honesty, I fucking was.

I was so exhausted from lack of sleep ,and lack of fuckin' coffee ,that my lips couldn't even fake a smile.

Somehow, my happy-go-lucky mother deemed it "unnecessary" to brew coffee this morning, so I "deemed" it unnecessary to actually give a fuck about my attitude today.

"Jean, how are you gonna get anywhere with that FUCKIN' attitude! You're treatin' life like a joke and it's not. You're too old to act like this. I'm not even a bad parent! I don't know why you can't act like yo-"

I learned, overtime, that sometimes you gotta tune out what she says. My mother wasn't quite pleased with that but so what.

I wasn't pleased with the fact that she could remember how to lecture but not how to BREW FUCKING COFFEE!?

Gawd.

It's not that hard.

Ha, but the joke's on her because I didn't give a single fuck if she was upset. I mean why should I !? She ,evidently, didn't give a single, solitary fuck about my "feelings".

You can probably tell already that I love my FUCKIN' mother, right?

Obviously.

"Jean, your father and I aren't pleased about yo behavior or da fact that you can't seem to act like a FUCKIN' human. We are Kirsteins. We don't get depressed or start cutting ourselves-"

She wasn't pleased with my current " behavior". I wasn't "pleased" with her shitty selective memory or her constant drinking; but who cares how I flippin' feel. Her fucking lack of sensitivity ,seriously, always left me stunned. I mean really, the woman needed a couple of classes on "HOW-TO-BE A MOTHER FUCKIN' PARENT 101"- hosted by yours truly. Just sayin'. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The sunlight seemed to really enjoy skull FUCKIN' my eye sockets today but at least it gave me a reason to not look forward. I rather be gang banged in my eyes by the sun than talk to my mother about " A Positive Attitude".

Especially with her boyfriend in the car.

Ugh.

She seemed to truly enjoy quoting the song "Happy" by Pharrell Williams today...

She always managed to quote a song when she started ranting or talking about life.

If she read the Bible as much as she read romance novels; maybe, just maybe, I'd listen to her more.

No promises though.

The wind started combing through my hair as my squinted eyes tried to focus on the upcoming highway signs. It was freakin' hard to focus on anything with my mom's constant chattering about life and how she missed my dear brother. I somehow managed.

" Your brother was lucky ya know. God chose his path and now look where he at! I bet if you were more focused on life, and not on killing yourself, you could-"

Pfft, he was a lucky bastard alright. Who would've guessed he'd choose to go to the army. Well, my sister Sasha and I knew; but it somehow managed to slip pass my mother. Maybe she didn't know because each time he tried to tell her she'd just down another cold beer.

Figures.

Honestly, I don't know what she was whining about. I enjoyed the lack of company. We actually had milk in the damn house AND I was allowed to drink it. My fragile bones rejoiced at the reunion with refrigerated cow titty liquid.

But don't get me wrong now- I did miss him.

He was the only one that got her to shut up when she started "life preaching".

"I don't even understand why you're mad." she mumbled.

Maybe I wouldn't be mad if someone would've made coffee. Yes, I'm still talking about this because it still freaking leaves me dumbfounded. I mean ,come on, was it that skull fucking hard to remember that I needed coffee in the morning!?

Especially if I had to wake up at five in the morning. That's right. You heard correctly ladies and gentlemen. I had to drag myself out of bed to wake up Sasha at five.

Five.

In.

The.

Morning.

Sigh. Like seriously, how can you remember to smoke a disgusting blunt before work; but, somehow, you cannot manage to brew a fucking hot beverage for your son. Just sayin'.

As my mother, and I use that term lightly, continued to happily rant about life- I ,unceasingly, stared out the window. Questioning my ma's priorities as a role model and a mother. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When I started scuffing my feet across the school's floors, I began to notice that my mother had pranced herself in along with Sasha and I.

Oh, the embarrassment.

I could hear her, skipping happily behind me as if it was her first day as a senior. Thank gawd it wasn't. I'm pretty sure if my mother was a student here she'd have no friends. You'd have to be a complete failure of a human being to want to be my mother's friend. It just so happened that I wasn't. I grabbed Sasha's right hand and proceeded to sprint down the hall. I would've grabbed her left hand but she somehow managed to slip five open chip bags into it without me noticing. How she was able to consume so much food without puking, I'll never know. I came to an abrupt stop when my sister pointed out that some of her friends had waved us over; most likely to strike up conversation. I was in no mood to chat right now but when I glanced over my shoulder I noticed something; my mother had simply vanished. Thank the lord that she did for when Sasha's friends came over to chat I began to instantly recognize one familiar face....

"What's up horse shit! Looks like someone forgot how to look human today."

Eren mudafuckin' Yeager.

"Fuck off Eren before I beat yo ass again."

"Aww, did the poor little horsey forget to drink his coffee today.~"

My eyes seemed to not reflect the boiling anger I felt at that moment; for if they did Eren would've known to watch his cock gobbling mouth. I decided to not punch him in the face and instead began to humor his ignorance.

"I wonder how yo mother would feel about that."

"About what?" Eren growled.

"About the fact that her son can come up with so many new ways to say 'hello' but can't seem to figure out how to pass the ninth grade. Oh, what a tragedy."

Eren began to loudly grit his teeth as he furrowed his brow in anger. I simply smiled at the lil shit as Reiner began to stroll over; possibly looking for Bertolt again. The guy always seemed to wander off when he was in deep thought; usually about a new painting he was working on. We never understood what inspired him to paint but we did know one thing-he was damn good at what he did. That was for sure. As Reiner began to get closer, he started to notice Eren's twisted facial expression; a mix between rage and frustration. I liked to call this the " Feelin' Shitty" disease. Only transmitted when one presumed to act like a fucking asshole.

Of course, I was not able to contract such a disease.

I had too much swag for that shit.

"Hey guys! Have y'all seen Bert anywhere?"

Reiner's words were more so aimed at Sasha and I; because obviously Eren looked like he was ready to snap and his friend seemed clueless to who Bertolt was. I didn't know who da fuck the oblivious kid was but I did know he refused to look me in the eye. Which was a good sign. I began to answer but was rudely interrupted by an angry bitch ass midget.

"I bet if you asked about Armin, this cum swallower would instantly have a FUCKIN' answer."

I glared at Eren.

"I mean how else can you forget 'bout the cock you continuously swallowed for four years. Right, Kirstein?"

That was it. That was the last mudafuckin' straw. I don't remember what exactly happened but I do remember being pried off Eren by Reiner and Sasha. Apparently, I had launched myself at Yeager without hesitation. I also took it upon myself to perform another justified act of violence, and began bashing that unmannered fucker right in the face. Even after the whole affair was over, I still continued to scowl at that mistake of a human being. I mean seriously, what da fuck did he know. Lil bastard needs to stop spreading rumors and start focusing on his sad excuse of a GPA. A 1.5 wasn't gonna cut it; especially if he was planning to go to college. Which, apparently to Mikasa, he was. I finally stopped being angry when I noticed the shinier I gave Eren's right eye, which caused me to smile. That wouldn't be going away any time soon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sitting at the lunch table with Sasha's friends had to be the most aggravating thing in the world.

They just couldn't seem to talk about anything remotely interesting. Everything either involved how Eren got a black eye or how their uniforms were "uniquely different" from the middle schoolers. Being a freshman must've been a mudafuckin' epiphany or something. At least that's what these kids made it out to be. Hooray. You upgraded from burgundy tops and raggedy khaki skirts to dark navy blue shirts and freshly pressed khaki skirts.

Congratu-motherfucking-lations.

I decided this would be a perfect time to start writing in the journal my grandmother gave me instead of conversing with every other fucker that passed by. I honestly knew none of these strangers; so I just assumed they were all friends of my sister. They most likely weren't because Sasha hated almost every kid in her grade except a select few. I quickly dismissed the thought, instantly losing interest, and began scribbling lyrics in my "Goal Journal ".

Did I have goals?

Yes.

Did I plan to achieve them?

Most likely no.

The book was still useful for other things though; such as poetry, song lyrics or daily reminders. As I continued to jot down phrases I heard a familiar voice on my right.

"Hey Jean."

My ears quickly registered the voice as a grin swept across my face.

"Annie, what's up?"

I already knew what she wanted but I still loved to hear her answer.

" I'm here to sit next to you, asshole."

I loved the way the word rolled off her tongue. It turned me on every time. I swiftly grabbed my book bag and excused myself from my sister's group of "rebellious friends". Everyone waved goodbye except Eren, who instead stuck his middle finger up as I left. He made sure to wave it in a circular motion. I guess he wanted to be sure I saw it before I departed.

"Your sister has poor taste in friends."

I snorted.

"That's no surprise."

I sat at the next lunch table I saw, making sure that it was deserted.

Annie hated people.

More than I disliked Yeager-and that was saying something.

After we both got comfortable, we then decided to finally talk about our summer. Well, she did. She told me about her annoying mother and how she got her phone taken away ,most of the break, for making her mom cry. This was no shocker. She seemed to be doing that a lot more since she had the baby. She was a cute little kid. Her hair was a curly blond and her eyes were a nice baby blue. The only difficulty the child had was her weight. Holding her should count as a freaking Olympic sport or something. Seriously. In the middle of our conversation I noticed two people in the corner of my eye. They both slowly sat down and smiled softly at us. I acknowledged their existence with a simple greeting and a friendly grin.

"Connie, Bert! Welcome to our table of outcasts! Population: Four.~"

Connie snickered as Bertolt shyly mouthed "Hooray!" under his breathe.

"Soooo Jean, what's up!? I saw that shinier you gave Eren."

Bertolt gasped.

"Jean you didn't."

" I sure as fuck did."

"Jean whyyyyyyyy. You know that's just gonna make the situation worse."

"What situation!? That kid starts it every time!"

"Yes, but you're older Jean. You should be his role model. Not his enemy. Remember what I said about peace and harmony?"

"Yes and remember what I promised?"

Bert sighed.

"You promised you wouldn't kill the kid."

"And I kept my promise." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The schedules seemed to get shittier every year, I swear.

Last year it took a week for me to get one class but this year had to be the worst attempt yet. I got a schedule with missing classes. Meaning, I had no third hour and my major wasn't even on this freaking piece of paper.

What the actually fuck.

"Where da fuck is my major?"

It turns out I wasn't the only one with a shitty excuse for a schedule. Connie was missing a 7th and 2nd hour while Annie was just missing a 2nd hour. Bert only had two classes. This was pitiful.

"They had all summer for this shit!"

"Now Connie calm down-"

"No. Fuck that. They had all summer, dude. ALL.SUMMER."

Annie sighed.

"What else do you expect from a poorly organized performing arts school like ours."

I nodded.

" Ann is right. Next thing ya know, you're gonna start expectin' them to actually mop the floors after the first day of school."

Bert chuckled at the thought.

"Or they might actually serve food that doesn't cause food poisoning."

"Or they'll actually have toilet paper in every stall."

"Pfft, I bet that'll happen before they give the nurse band aids."

"Ya mean that fake ass wannabe nurse? Pfft."

"Even if we got bandages, I bet that bitch wouldn't even know how to apply one on to a student."

Even Annie had to laugh at that thought.

"Shit, I bet that bitch will think it's some high tech teen pad."

"Ha. Yeah right. All the fuckin' eggs in that bitch's ovaries obviously died already."

"Even if they were alive, who'd repopulate with that angry witch."

"I bet one of janitors would."

We all stared at Connie.

"No way."

"Connie, you can't be serious."

"Pfft, dude even they have standards."

Bert just rolled his eyes as Connie tried not to laugh at the words that fell off his tongue.

"Oh, but I am serious."

"Why's that?"

I was curious but immediately  regretted my answer.

"So you're telling me Mr. Woerman can get laid but the nurse can't?"

We all started gagging and cringing at the thought.

"Ugh Connie!"

"What!?"

"That's so gross."

"Haha, you asked!"

As Annie comforted Bertolt, I decided to take a quick glance around the room. I was searching the cafeteria for the nearest clock but instead found Mikasa sitting a table away. She was aimlessly chatting away with Eren and a few acquaintances I used to associate with. I was about to call Mikasa over when a boy caught my intention. He walked confidently over to Mikasa and started talking away as if they were old friends. I have to say this was a shocker; for Mikasa wasn't known to have too many associates. Especially male ones.

I had to admit one other thing- he had a nice ass.

I started pondering who he was when all of a sudden I heard a loud, annoying voice.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh~"

I instantly turned my eyes to Connie and proceeded to glare at him.

"Don't you dare say it." I hissed.

"Say what?" Bert questioned.

"He knows what I'm talkin' about."

"Ohh!~Do I?" Connie's choice of words proved my assumption correct.

"You better shut it, fuck face."

"......."

Seconds passed as the room fell silent.

".......do he got da booty doe."

"YOU MUDAFUCKIN' DILDO MUNCHER! IMMA KICK YOUR ASS!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ First hour was, of course, boring as fuck.

I could already tell that this would be my least favorite hour. Bert was scribbling sketches in his English notebook while Annie decided to listen to music until class started.

Our class was very tiny.

Like there were only about eight kids, including Annie, Bertolt and I.

Which, I had no problem with.

I liked small classes.

It meant I didn't have to constantly hear annoying murmurs or continuous chatter during class. I couldn't stand that. Imagine listening to "Dude, do you have any gum?" or "Fuck that slut! She's the one who wanted to not use a condom." for a whole hour. It was enough to drive any kid insane. Our room was quiet; with a few hushed whispers here and there. And that was excellent. Just the way I liked it. What I didn't liked was being bored.

I noticed our teacher sitting quietly at her desk as she jotted down something with haste. I assumed it was something school related and began chewing on my thumb. Force of habit. I then decided to note that for a teacher she was pretty small. Tiny like a freshman but her eyes were strong like an ox. I guess you could say she looked determine to give us an education but also caring enough to not force her idea of a future on us. How "refreshing". She then presumed to stand up and began scribbling her name on the chalkboard. I then, at that instant, took another note. Our teacher was clumsy-for she somehow managed to get chalk all over her skirt and blouse. Still, she stood with confidence as she held her chin up high.

She then took two steps to her right as she faced us with deep concentration.

'Petra Ral'

That's what she wrote.

No 'Miss' or 'Mrs'.

Just "Petra Ral".

I wasn't sure if this was a mistake or on purpose so I decided to not question it.

Yet.

She continued to stand silently as she roughly dusted her skirt off; and smiled at the class. She had a gentle smile. Way too gentle to be human. At least that's what I thought. As she was about to introduce herself to the class, there was a soft knock on the door. Miss Ral turned, along with the class, towards the boy that awkwardly entered room 302.

He had a honest look of embarrassment on his face, as he felt everyone's heated gaze on him. Some chose to ignore his presence while others seemed to question it.

Me.

I chose to bathe in it.

I guess, I was a little excited to know who this kid was because -as soon as I recognized his face- a small smirk playfully pulled at my lips.

His eyes studied the class cautiously, but when they got to me, they stopped.

Just like my heart.

Annie elbowed me in the ribs and told me, in a mixture of sighs and forgotten words, to breathe.

I guess I wasn't the only one forgetting how to use their lungs; because as soon as the teacher's hand touched the kid's shoulder, I swear, he looked as if he was brought back to reality.

"Welcome sweetie. My name is Petra Ral. Are you in this class?"

The boy gulped.

"Yes Ma'am." he mumbled.

"Then since you're already standing, would you like to introduce yourself to the class?"

The boy nodded as a quick blush swept across his cheeks as he began fiddling with his thumbs. He then turned to the class and stood nervously in the center. He inhaled a deep breathe and calmly stated his name, as if he was being interrogated by the FBI.

"Hello..." He began as he, subconsciously, raked his fingers through his short dark brown hair. 

He then continued.

"M-My name is Marco Bott. I-I'm a dance major and this will be my first year here, at TVPAHAA."

His cheeks darkened as he tried to stand straight and not so hunched over. He failed of course. He then decided to rub his arm gently, as if he was comforting himself. His eyes met mine as he smiled. He then proceeded to speak with a solid voice.

"Nice to meet you."

I don't know why; but the first thing that struck me as awe-inspiring was the millions of freckles that covered his face and neck. I could tell that he was the closet thing I'd get to touching the stars-as I bathed in the galaxy that was his being.

He, truly, was a work of art.


	2. Head Count

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a high school au based on my real life situations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am happy to say that so far people have taken a liking to my series; and its only been a few hours since I've posted it.
> 
> So to celebrate, my success, I'll be posting another chapter today (and it shall be way longer!!!)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> I wish you the best of luck and please make sure, that if you are easily offended, do not READ THIS STORY.
> 
> Thank you and have a pleasant day.

Maybe it was his eyes that caused me to become so infatuated with him.

Or it could've been his words-for they always left me breathless. Those soulless phrases and constant smart ass remarks made my knees feel oh-so-weak. They were unlike any other to me. Oh, but his eyes. Gawd. They were wide, simple and dusted with loss for sympathy and regret. It was as if he was already dead. And I liked it. The idea of a boy behaving like a walking corpse amused my soul greatly and fed my hungry curiosity. Which was starving until I met him. You had to be pretty damn special to get my intention; and I'm not talking about:

"Oh, look at me! I can do seven back flips in a row." special.

I mean you had to be like a puzzle, mentally and emotionally.

Which he was.

I guess that's why, over time, my quick glances became needy stares as I yearned for his eyes to met mine. I was becoming desperate for any form of attention. I just.....It just had to be from him.

Now don't get me wrong; I fuckin' hate the idea of love. Holding hands and making up nicknames for your disgusting other is embarrassing and absolutely unnecessary. Why da fuck would anyone wanna be called 'baby' or 'sugar daddy', I'll never know. But I did know I was not one of those people. I wasn't destined for a cute high school crush or a first glance at love. No. I was meant for another form of "love" called one sided.

Pathetic I know. 

How could a boy like me fall for a boy like him.

Easy answer: I don't know.

And most likely I'll never figure it out.

No matter how hard I wanted to.

What did I do to deserve such a tragedy?

Beats me.

I just know I deserved it. 

I always did.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was always, secretly, jealous of the band room. It was just such an amazing place to relax, in all honesty. It was never too hot or too cold and, for some reason, they had fuckin' carpet. I don't know why the fuck they were blessed with such a floor fabric, but they just were. 

Lucky bastards.

I guess that's why every time I came in here, I preferred to sit on the cozy floor- way more than a cold ass chair.

Call me crazy but I just don't see the need to use a chair in here. I mean what was the big deal. I've been placing my ass on carpet since I was six, so why couldn't I now? Because I'm too old for such childish shit? Pfft, bitch please. I'm only 17 years old. If I wanted to sit on a shaggy carpet then guess what? Imma sit on a fuckin' shaggy carpet, goddamnit. And if you don't like it then you can go fuck yourself with a screwdriver. Repeatedly.

"Mikasa,....."

She glanced up from her text as she, mind absently, scrolled down her phone's touch screen.

"......I'm bored!~"

I made sure to emphasize the word "bored". Ya know for more dramatic effect.

"Do I look like I care, Jean."

That, of course, was more of a statement than a question.

"But you're like my ma, dude! Shouldn't you care about your child's wellbeing!"

She sighed.

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Are you dying?"

"Uhhh...No."

"Then the only thing you're being is a pain in my ASS."

"B-But mommmmmmmmm!~"

I continuously rubbed my head against her knee, trying to get some attention. It somehow managed to work.

"Ugh, Annie will you shut him up already."

"Sure thing. Hey princess, come here."

My eyes lit up as I felt Annie grab my hand, gently tugging me over. I don't know why but every time she grabbed my hand, a nervous smile would creep across my face. It was just a side effect of being in love with your best friend, I guess. As I laid my head on her lap, I began to notice that she still somehow managed to have the faint scent of apples. Even now, I don't know how her and Armin managed to smell so similar. Every time I stayed over-well the last time I did-I'd notice their similar scents. They were slightly different but you'd only know this if you were constantly around them. Which I was. 

"You still smell like candy apples..."

Annie giggled to herself as she gently combed her fingers through my hair.

"Yeah and you still think your side burns are cute long."

"They totally are."

"Says who?"

"Says you."

Annie cocked an eyebrow as a playful grin tugged at her lips.

"I guess I did say that, huh."

"Yeah you did."

I swear if we weren't in public, I'd kiss her-here and now. Always.

But Annie knew I hated public affection with a burning passion. It's nothing personal. I just hate showing emotions. Especially ones that leave me vulnerable; such as love. If you constantly have to display your "love" all over the stairways and under the bleachers in the gym, then that's not love. That's just you guys trying to make forlorn attempts at making each other think that you're in love. Which is pitiful if you ask me.

I know, from firsthand experience, that such attempts do not work.

Trust me on that.

"Alright everyone, we are done taking head count! You all may go back to class!"

That voice.... it was.....

Loud.

Check.

Obnoxious.

Check.

And a truly genuine and friendly voice.

Double check.

Yeah...

It had to be no other than Principal Erwin Smith; who deemed it necessary to shout every announcement. No matter how close he was to you.

"Good bye students! Have a nice day!"

Gawd, did he even know he was shouting sometimes. I mean Jesus, would it kill him to speak quietly every once in a while.

"Good morning, Kirstein!"

Someone forgot to educate him on when to use his outside voice.

"Good morning Principal Smith."

I strode pass him, as fast as one's legs could carry, and made my way to second period. I rather be damned to the endless lectures of Biology II than listen to Principal Smith talk about his day. Which he always did. Every. Single. Time. My friends must've been one step ahead of me though because when I glanced over my shoulder, there they were; rushing on pass him with a cheesy smile and a mumbled excuse on why they couldn't chat right now. I slowed my pace and waited for Annie and Mikasa to catch up. They eventually did. We then proceeded to walk through the crowded group of smelly, babbling seniors and made our way to class. I, sadly, didn't have 2nd hour with Ann or Mikasa for I was the only one who managed to fail the first trimester of Biology II. 

Science never was my strongest subject.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Sitting in class 102 was torture; for my teacher found it necessary to crank up the AC every five seconds. It was only 70 degrees outside; so I didn't understand why she found it necessary to make it feel like negative eight degrees in here. Like what da the actually fuck. Was she raised in Antarctica or something?

Gawd. 

I wish she'd just go back.

But at least class went by pretty fast. Maybe because I was so busy, being peeved off at the AC, that I didn't even notice the time.

The bell started ringing as soon as our assistant teacher, Mr. Ackerman, dismissed the class in an orderly fashion. Most of the kids got up to leave while others were forced to pick up their wrongfully discarded litter. For some reason, Mr. Ackerman despised clutter and trash; more than a normal human being should. I don't know why but I always wanted to ask; but I could never muster up the courage to meet his unwavering gaze. Not yet. 

Instead I decided to head on down to third hour, which just so happened to be my favorite class. AP art. It was basically like a regular art class; depending on your 'focus category'. The harder your concentration, the more work you had to do. An average amount of, at least, 30 works were required to be completed by the end of the school year. If you finished each painting, photo, sculpture or collage correctly then your score would most likely be a five. I got a three last year, which meant I would get a college dual credit-that is if I still chose to go to college. As I made my way down the stairway and into the classroom, I decided to take a note that Armin apparently had this class too.

Fuckin' fantastic.

He must've felt my eyes examining his body-with disgust I might add- for he quickly met my gaze with one of his own. One filled with lack of interest and boredom. 

Gawd- I thought to myself-he looked hot with his hair like that. A messy ponytail suited his fine ass, that's for sure. I'd love to tug that shit while straddling his-wait. 

What? 

No. No. No. 

This is not the time to think about past feelings. That was the old you, Jean. Remember!? That was the naïve, stupid, easily in love Jean. You're different now. You've changed! 

H-He's changed....

"You look nice in a dress."

My body grew stiff as I remembered those carefully murmured words.

The line "You look nice in a dress." played, over and over, in my head. And the more I remembered those words, the more my eyes seemed to focus on his. 

I slammed my palms hard against my flushed cheeks; causing the crimson color to spread.

"He doesn't care about anyone, Jean..." I grumbled." ...especially not you."

I finally managed to break eye contact as I felt someone's hand connect with my ass. 

"Ouch!"

The buzzing sting I felt, on my little excuse of a rear end, was enough to make my blood boil with anger and inexplicable pain.

Yep. 

It was time to slaughter another flirt who, obviously, didn't know their place today. 

I turned around-eyes burning with displeasure as a snarl escaped my lips- to see no other than Annie, happily grinning and laughing away at my discomfort.

"You are such a fuckin' asshole." I stated.

She just laughed harder at my choice of words.

"Pfft, don't be such a poor sport." she said with a devilish smirk.

"I will when you stop being a dick."

I puffed out my cheeks and was about to walk away when, suddenly, she grabbed my hand. She swiftly yanked me over into a tight embrace and-for some reason-refused to let me go. I hated when she did that. She always managed to make me shut up when she showed a little emotion every now and then. Oh, but not this time. This time I got her. 

Did she really think a hug was gonna make up for my swollen ASS!? Ha. She had another thing coming. I struggled to get free from her grasp, grunts and swears spilling from my mouth like a waterfall. I then felt her smile against the back of my neck, trying to hold in a chuckle. I swear I was about to snap when a sudden whisper escaped into my ear.

"I love you."

I stopped flailing my thin arms around and instead stood blushing like a virgin. 

' I hate when she says that..' I thought.

"I love you too....." I muttered.

We stood there for a second, embracing each other for what felt like forever. That is, until the bell sprung us back to reality. I felt my breathe stop in my chest for a second. 

I'm not sure why but I felt like I was being watched..... And I didn't like it. As soon as I let go of Annie-I began to recognize that the person watching me, so intently, was no other than Armin. My love life must be amusing to him-especially since he's the one who ruined it.

I could see him, smirking intentionally, behind his laptop out the corner of my eye. It was a sickeningly humored smirk that I had grown accustomed to seeing over the year. I still always somehow started to feel tamed under his gaze; like some stupid circus animal. 

No matter how many times I saw it; I still always managed to feel like a nervous wreck. It was fuckin' frustrating. Feeling all my self-assurance disappear in the blink of an eye, was-not only embarrassing- but truly humiliating. I could just die.

I attempted to keep my composure as I turned around; searching for a seat. I tried my hardest to ignore his eyes but they seemed to be examining me from across the room. I felt like I just became less necessary in his life. 

To him.....I was nothing but another boy searching for a purpose.

I was his test subject.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I couldn't seem to draw anything today that was even, remotely, interesting. Every line just seemed wrong; whether it was misplaced or too bold. It all just came across as forced.

"Goddamnnit!" I growled as I balled up, yet, another failed attempt at drawing a male torso. Miss Zoë made sure to send me a disapproving glance for she hated when I swore-but I just couldn't help it today!  
Everything just came across as imprecise or too loose. It was driving me crazy.

Sketch, sketch, sketch.

"Ughhhhhh."

Five minutes is all it took for me to finally give up. Obviously, I wasn't gonna get anything done. I especially wasn't gonna get anywhere by wasting paper and breaking pencils. I threw my sketch pad on the wooden desk and began staring at the ceiling.

"It was just all too....." I muttered ".....fucking stiff -and....."

Lacking in the motherfuckin' originality department.

Sigh. This sucks.

"Dude, you alright?"

I glanced over to find Bertolt ,staring down at me, with a worried expression plastered across his face. I must've been really focused to not notice Bert's giant ass saunter in here. I then decided to glance at my watch. I noted that it was 12:49pm. 

Great.......

I ,somehow, managed to miss lunch.

"No. I'm not alright, Bert. I can't draw anything today, I missed lunch and-for some reason-I can't stop running into people I just can't fuckin stand. Everything is just so-Ughh."

I dragged my hands down my face in utter frustration. Everything just sucked today. I was starting to huff under my breathe again. Trying my best to remain calm seemed to get harder every day. Especially when you have a fucked up temper, like me.

Bertolt took it upon himself to examine my so-called " failed anatomy sketches" and smiled.

"You're focusing on thin males again." Bert stated.

"Mhmmmm..." I mumbled.

"Well..... if you are having trouble drawing...."

Bert gave the page another quick glance.

".... a skinny model, why don't you just ask him to model for you?"

"Who?" I said. My voice was, obviously, dripping with irritation.

Bertolt chuckled at the overdramatic groans I made.

I couldn't help it. I was born to be a drama queen.

"Open your eyes, Jean."

That voice... seemed a little too firm to be Bertolt's....and a little too close to my face. I didn't know there was anyone brave enough to actually get within breathing distance of me. Well, unless they were new or an absolute moron. I assumed that this guy was new and a little too cheerful for my taste. Well, he sounded like a guy. No matter how soft his voice was. I came to the conclusion that Bert didn't tell his little friend my rules.

1.No close contact if I don't know you.

2.No talking to me if I haven't had my coffee-unless you wanted a permanent face fuckin' lift.

I finally decided not to punch the little shit and instead inhaled the scent of peppermint and chamomile? The scent was intoxicating and unexpected. Regardless though, I liked it. He seemed to be snickering to himself about something. I'm not sure what though. I do know that every time he laughed, a couple of thick strands of his hair would tickle my nose. His hair was really soft.

After two minutes of mental assumptions, I slowly opened my eyes; making sure to reflect a tiresome expression on my face. As my charcoal covered arms began dangling at my side, I decided to take another note:

Marco's freckles were even more amazing up close and personal.


	3. Nausea: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter today shall be one mostly about Jean and his memories.  
> Well, the basic ones anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter for me because it seems Jean has a lot to say. A lot indeed.
> 
> Enjoy~

I guess, you could say that, red has always been my favorite color-for it made me feel unstoppable. It was a very strong, vibrant shade of pigment that always left me awestruck. It made my knees buckle as the weight of the world fell upon me. Weight that could only be labeled as everlasting confidence and bottomless pride. I was confident because of my pride; and full of pride because of my confidence. In the blink of an eye, I was a legend and the rest was history. This amazing primary color was one of the many reasons why I chose to live. This color was "me".

So just imagine how a guy like me felt when a boy like him said:

"You look nice in a dress."

Three words.

I. Felt. Breathless.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The world just seems so foggy to me today. I don't know why. It just is.

My legs seem to wobble a little too hard and my words leave me gasping for air. Obviously, I'm not in the best condition right now but I am alive. Which is enough for me.

"Jean, are you alright?"

The words seemed so clear in my ears but my mind just couldn't register the message. It was all a foreign language to me.

"I thak' Imma aight', Ann."

Ok, so I wasn't alright; but I wasn't ready to admit that either.

"You don't sound alright."

Many comments were piled in my clouded mind but only a few actually translated into words. Words that sounded liked gibberish and painfully awkward coughs. Annie studied me for a good while. Her facial expressions smothered in concern as I started panting heavily. I could feel my intestines twist in agony as my body slowly slid out of my chair. My eyes had went blurry for a second and I soon found myself vomiting somewhere in the corner. I apparently, was aiming for the trash can. My results were more or less spot on. My body was trembling terribly as Annie watched me dry-heave into the trash can.

I regretted two things that evening.

1.The look of sorrow on Annie's face.

2.The fact that I now knew what orange juice and fried fish tasted like blended together.

That was a terribly dreadful taste.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
My raggedy bed felt softer today than it had all year- well, technically years.I'm not sure why. It just did. Maybe it was because my mind was some where on cloud nine instead of here. Traveling the many deserts of reality until finally it died from exhaustion. This death was a privilege for at least my mind had a choice. If I had a choice I wouldn't be here either. Here on Earth... I just felt like a burden. My voice always seemed to mutter the opposite of what I felt. Hurting others and myself in the process. I just couldn't direct myself on to the "better" path some call life. That just wasn't me.

I rolled over slowly. Making sure to glance at the clock as my mind came back to the present instead of focusing on the past.

"10:04pm" I whispered as if someone else was in the room.

Had I really slept that long? Well, I guess it shouldn't be a surprise. My sleep patterns have always managed to be abnormal. Just like me.

"Fuck...."

My swears were becoming a mix of groans and whimpers as my body began to shake. Apparently, my stomach wasn't backing down from its early declare at war. It was clearly determined to make me suffer today but I refused to back down from a fight.

Jean Kirstein never backs down from a fight. You can believe that.

I decided to make up a swift strategy to distract myself from the pain. This resulted in me doing a combination of moans as my body began to curl into a lazy ball. Sadly, this only caused my stomach to tighten in retaliation. It would appear that every part of me was a fighter. Even my organs.

After a good five minutes of failed planning and unsuccessful counterattacks, I decided it was time for a brand new strategy.

Crying.

I transformed my tears into whimpers as I listened to my family's laughter erupt from outside my door. They seemed to be arguing over who could win a fight.

"The Rock or Chris Rock!?" Sasha shouted.

"The Rock, of course!" my mother screamed.

The playful bickering seemed to go on and on until finally I decided to stop listening. I was deeply consumed in my own type of battle right now.

The Battle Of Jean The Great VS The Rebelliously Evil Stomach.

Part three of course, for this would be the third round since school. School... It all came across as a bleary nightmare until Annie's face popped up in my mind.

"Annie..." 

Her name somehow managed to come out as a low sob. One that was filled with painful gasps and heavy pants. I placed one hand over my chest in an attempt to settle the awful wheezes my mouth allowed to slip out. Of course, that failed. Just like everything else did.

"....gawd save me."

Those were my final last words I hissed before my body got consumed by slumber.

I truly was exhausted.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"You know Jean.... You'd look pretty good in a dress."

Armin's eyes seemed to reflect honesty as his lips twitched into a thoughtful smile. One that appeared innocent but also playful at the same time. I knew what that smile meant for I'd seen it one too many times to count. Far too many times.

"Wat da fuck are you talkin' 'bout now...."

Armin turned slightly towards me. His body appearing relaxed as his mouth continued to speak.

"I'm talkin' about you. In a dress."

An uncontrollable blush started to spread across my cheeks the longer I stared at the dumb boy. My eyes were searching the room for traces of alcohol. A bottle or just a cup of something relating to that would explain his ridiculous babbling. Sadly, I found nothing. A sigh escaped my throat as my eyes finally rested on his. Apparently, the things they say about blondes being truly idiotic are true. Those words were pure evidence of that fact. Was he out of his mind!?

"Please don't tell me you're sober."

" And if I am?"

"Then that means you must have brain damage..."

Armin clicked his tongue as he rolled his eyes towards me. Probably wishing I wasn't such a rude prick but I don't know why. He obviously enjoyed my smart ass comments. Masochistic bastard.

"All I'm saying is that your ASS..." Armin quickly gandered at me as he continued. "... would look excellent in a dress."

I could feel my body begin to quiver, from shock and embarrassment ,as those words left his lips. How could he not be ashamed of even thinking that I-of all people- would look good in a dress?! Truly, something must be wrong with him. Something, indeed. Maybe he wasn't getting enough oxygen to his insignificant brain. Yeah, that could be a reason but that still wouldn't explain why his lips could- or would- even say such a cockamamie idea. Maybe Armin.... was truly an idiot after all.

"Well..." I mumbled. "...I think you're out of your mind."

My voice came out as a discreet hush but I know Armin could hear me.

"I was never sane to begin with, Jean."

My eyes somehow started traveling to his as I thought up a witty response.

"Pfft, well that's obvious." I snorted.

I made sure to keep my retorts short and simple.

"Oh, is it?" Armin questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah it is!" I exclaimed.

Armin continued to stare at me. His eyes full of thought and countless theories. Theories I knew were absolute bullshit. Since he refused to verbally speak his mind I decided to challenge him physically. After a moment of thought-over which strategy to use- I decided to counter with a sharp glare and cocky smirk. This soon started to fade as I began to notice the small smile plastered across his face. It was plainly dripping with arrogance and cheeky ideas. Ideas that others would define as rude or cruel- but no one was ever brave enough to tell him that. Well, at least not to his face. Anyone with common sense knew not to challenge Armin when he had such an expression. His remarks could quickly snap a person's self esteem in half and make them feel as if they were nothing. After you were done bawling your eyes out, he'd walk away without a second thought or even a second glance. I knew this but you see.....

I didn't have common sense.

Now, I knew that his remarks would possibly leave me speechless for the rest of the night; but I also knew I was never one to back down so easily from a fight. Especially, one from this asshole.

Still, I was never in complete control over my body's emotions-for I am only human. So when my body felt his contemplative gaze still burn into my existence, I panicked. Instantly, losing my confidence as my soul case began to squirm underneath the powerful stare. Self-conscious thoughts slowly drifted into my mind as a light sweat began forming on my forehead. His mouth wasn't uttering any witty words so I decided to speak my own.

"W-What...." I challenged cautiously.

"Ya got something to say!?"

He remained quiet for a few seconds while I continued to be frantic. I wasn't really scared or anything. It's just...I've learned that the longer Armin stayed quiet, the more he was going to piss me off.

And he always pissed me off.

 "Yeah..." He said.

"Then say it!" I shouted.

"You...." he said as he started searching for his beat up Wii controller.

"...are a scaredy cat."

My cheeks started to puff up as my hands balled into fist.

"I am not..." I growled.

My anger seemed to amuse Armin for he started to chuckle at my claim.

"You're such a liar, Jean." he snickered.

"If you're afraid to try on a dress then just say so." he slowly sounded out each word as if I was deaf.

"I can understand."

"I am not-"

Before I could even mutter an insult Armin went on.

"I mean, it takes a real sexy man..." he took a quick glimpse over at me as he smugly continued.

"...to wear a dress AND look good in it."

"Why you little fucker-" He swiftly put his index finger over my lips, silencing me and my many rage filled swears as he continued. I was really tempted to bite his fuckin' finger off.

"Oh my. Have my comments made you upset?" He asked. 

Armin softly smiled to himself as I glared at him.

"I-I am not angry." I quickly stuttered. For some reason, my eyes refused to reflect my words and instead chose to mirror my feelings.

Armin stopped searching for the controller and instead began cupping my reddened cheek, causing my breathe to hitch.

"Well...." he began to speak as he leaned over towards me.

"...you sure as hell don't seem happy." His words came out as nothing more but a soft whisper. One that I could feel against my lips as he continued to close the space between us. My heart started to feel heavy as I began to notice the dark circles under his eyes. He really did look exhausted today. Which, in my opinion, was not a bad thing.

Uncomfortable mutters and frustrated sighs were all that managed to creep past my lips. My past aggressive anger disappeared. Leaving nothing but positive emotions in its place.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not soft or easy or nice. It's just that... today was different.

Now any other day I would've cursed his ass out and left, making sure to tell Annie an excuse later. No hesitation, no apologies and no fuckin' regrets- but today was different. Today was not one of those days. Today was another type of day. The day were he would boldly challenge me and I would eagerly challenge him back. This was our "game" and whoever cracked the other first would win.

"Shuddup..." I grumbled as my hair began to fall over my eyes.

Armin lightly brushed his thumb over my bottom lip, making sure to tilt my head in the process. Great, I thought, now my hair was stabbing me in the eye. I'm not sure why but this reaction seemed to please him.

"Hmmm..."

He happily hummed to himself as he searched for a sign on what to say next. His hands began to travel through my wild hair while his eyes began to glaze over with lust.

"Mmmph..." my lips tightened in fear.

His expression caused me to fidget as a smirk steadily appeared on Armin's face. My arms were shaking and my lip was trembling in anticipation for his next move. I didn't notice these bodily reactions until he started to speak.

"Make me." he whispered and that was all my ears could take as my mind began to go blank. His voice still ringing in my ears.

"Ahh..." I quietly moaned as I felt his tongue slip past my lips.

I never knew that words could carry so much weight. That is until today.

My stomach began to tighten as I felt his soft lips melt with mine. At that moment, I truly hoped that today was not the day I fell in love.


End file.
